Murph has been at mine rehearsing tonight and we finally had a break through. At first it was just as awful as last week and then Murph made me watch the above clip.
I actually began to get how broken Cathy (my character)is. The giving up, existing feeling. How she can slip seamlessly between being emotionless and exerting a primal rage.
We discussed all kinds of things that I can’t wrap my head around enough to put on here yet… I’m very tired right now. The main thing that I have taken away is a real bleakness – and how real that bleakness is for so many people. Not only that but how far removed from that world I am, even though I work in it a lot of the time. In my job I see and meet a lot of people who are the ‘benefit nation’, who are stuck and experience horrific things that I will never fully understand. This is not at all to say that people on benefits are stuck or that things are bleak for them; I’m meaning purely in terms of the way my character discusses benefits and her right to them.
This lead us into very in depth conversations about what right do we have to put our interpretation of that bleak world on a stage? To represent it? Even more than that.. to represent it in a format that is going to be accessed by an audience who would only encounter that world through representation.
All very deep questions when it is very late. I’m very happy that I finally delivered some of the lines in a way that felt right… maybe I won’t suck too bad at this after all.