This is me and my beautiful friend Angie. Last night we had a surprise baby shower for her.
Angie’s baby-to-be made me think about beginnings and how amazing a new life and a new venture is. The start is filled with possibilities, hopes and anticipation. This made me think about endings.
Endings I’m not too good with. I don’t like them. I don’t like leaving and I don’t like being left. When a relationship breaks down I bolt and they never hear or see me again… not the most mature way of dealing with this I know.
What I don’t seem to be able to handle is that life goes on. People will have experiences that I won’t know about and that don’t involve me, and vice versa. The pain of that makes me shut down and push forward.
Recently a colleague of mine passed away. She was only 50; it was sudden and a shock. The combination of this, along with the joy of Angie’s pregnancy has made me think a little differently. It’s made me think about what you leave behind when there is an ending (a break down/up, a death, a move).
Working in a helping capacity I have a quote that I once heard stuck to my desk, “We plant the seeds knowing that we might not be around to see them grow.” This gives me hope when faced with some of the grimmest events and consequences that life can offer out.
I’ve realised that this is what I hope for. I hope to plant a seed. I hope that I leave something good. Whether it is in the young person I work with, to whom I tell that they are intelligent and worthwhile, or the ones that I’m just there to listen to, or the one’s whose behaviour isn’t too positive yet and I try to teach them that there is a different way… I know I might be there to see those results; but I really hope that one day they will manifest and they will think of me.
I want to make sure that whoever I encounter I leave something postive behind; a good dance, a kind ear, a laugh, the memory of a half-decent story. Maybe that will make endings easier.
As for my colleague that passed away; I know that she touched many peoples lives. She also fostered and created safe spaces for those children who hadn’t had them before. Surely this is an amazing thing to leave behind.